May
5
2011
In Case of Zombies…
4

When the zombie apocalypse inevitably comes around, it’s better to be ready for what’s to come than running around aimlessly. It’s no surprise that some are more prepared than others and so I will just send this out as general advice: making the right choice of real estate after Z-Day could be the difference between life or death!

The correct formula for a successful zombie-proof, battle-ready fortress can vary depending on who you ask. Granted, zombie real estate is not an easy field to go into given the broad range of perspectives people have on the subject.

Points everyone seem to agree upon however, and go as follows:

  • Must be up off the ground in some way.

    Let’s be honest, zombie’s are good at one thing. Walking (or running depending on who you trust) and absolutely not stopping until they’ve sunk their teeth into the good stuff (you). A common home is ill-prepared to battle a horde of oncoming zombies merely because its high number of entry points, like doors and windows, and weak building materials, which could not withstand a constant barrage . A (former) business is a bit better but is very weak at the ground level because of features such as glass storefronts, dock loading and unloading doors, and who knows how many more emergency entrances in the back and sides. Damned safety codes. Never planned for zombies.

  • Must have great vantage point for strategic defense.

    Going hand-in-hand with being up off the ground, to fight a battalion of zombies coming for your face, you need to be able to see where they are and when they’ll be at your door. Not only can you better prepare yourself and your team with proper armaments, but it also helps to be high up off the ground, as far away from the tramping feet of your attackers as possible. This means that they will have to climb their way to you or else just hang out below and wait for the massacre at your feet.

    A well placed fortress can defend itself from nearly any direction of attack and hold a few tricks up its sleeve when push comes to shove… comes to bite. Generally you will need a place low-key enough that it is not a constant target from impeding zombie foot traffic, but well equipped to become the Alamo if necessary. Plan ahead.

  • That said, it must still be accessible.

    I know, I know, accessibility on a fortress?! Absurd right? Wrong. If you’re to live through the apocalypse, you will need to gather supplies from time to time as well as search for other survivors to join your rag-tag team of exterminators. Living nearby a former place of civilization is essential unless you have a ready supply of food from other means, such as farming. But beware of Zombie cows on the loose!

  • Must have great closet space.

    Seriously though, consider this. You finally get to the top of your high-rise zombie fortress after a successful day searching for supplies and ammo. The sweat drips down your forehead as you silently curse the blazing sun outside, causing the air to swelter with the scent of rotting flesh that you’re oh so accustomed to. You drag your loot slowly through the main entryway into your fortress and finally fall to the floor, exhausted after working hard. You wipe the sweat from your brow and look up and over the many items you collected that may help you last the next few months, when it hits you. You don’t have anywhere to put all this crap!

    Where’s a good self storage place when you need one?

    Even a great Z-Day base of operations requires proper storage facilities. A well-equipped and properly stored weapons cache will go a long way when keeping counts on ammo, hardware, and ballistics (whether homemade or not), and will help ensure that nobody is wasting ammunition with a sniper rifle sitting atop the local mall’s roof. Everybody in your base should be able to get to the main weapons lockers quickly.

    “Even a great Z-Day base … requires proper storage facilities.”

    This of course doesn’t even touch upon the need for storage from armor, helmets, and whatever other protective gear you’ll need to step outside in to the world occasionally. Yeah, you could throw it about your pad at reckless abandon, but what happens when your new roommate wakes you up with a nasty case of cannibalism and you just can’t find that baseball bat?

    A dedicated place for foodstuffs is also very important. Not only will you need to keep accurate counts on your food supply to ration off for you or your team, but there are plenty of other creepy crawlers that are hungry too. Improperly stored food could be torn through in hours by a rat infestation. That is, if you’re unwilling to eat rat…

While the basics of zombie survival will be a bit more complex than the quick list I just supplied you with, the flesh of the article stands firm. You need to be prepared, and plan ahead. Start looking around your home town or city for places that could not only become substantial zombie fighting temples, but also smaller, makeshift forts that could get you through the night. Even if it is only a tree-house!

Here are some more examples of some potentially awesome anti-zombie strongholds, big and small:

Which one would you choose?